"Someday boy you're gunna break those chains"

come on jamie....


harrison hudson continuously makes my day a million and two times better.
i want to marry you. and have you sing to me every night before we go to bed.
and kiss you all the time.

ok i'm done.

i conked out after school and was rudely awoken an hour and a half later to go to the final 4 bball game for tuc. we won. state friday. beasts.

i swear they should make a movie about our school. we are dirt broke and are winning state in more than one sport. we have no football field and no gym. ironic isn't it?
at least make a movie about the bball team...it could rival coach carter (amazing movie btw)
i would watch it :]

i'm so flipping tired. and i have math to do and showers to take..
i would rather sleep.

"you MUST sleep man"
fine mr. hull. gosh.
um. so yes, i'm ready to hear about my summer plans. as in, NOW. right NOW.
"calm down, calm down, it's alright."
i want some mellow mushroom please.


in other nonsense, my license would be a huge wonderful niceness, that and being 18 years old for two days.
ugh. i can't see my hubby (well one of them) because i'm too teensy.
sucks. everything. dirty.

and math is basically eating me alive.








GODDAMNIT SALLY GIVE IT UP NOW.

well judy the alpha queen you always say that too me, but HOW?!

"It's Collateral damage, it's the cost of war"

it's another bag of bones for the gods to sort.
it's just another bag of bones for the gods to sort.


and there's NOTHING left over to go get no more.
it's not what we're owed but it's what we've earned. it's closer than we realize.
it's time now to burn.


kevin devine will you marry me?


i keep having to rub my temples and tell myself two things.
that i am not in control of anything at all whatsoever.
and that the force in charge of everything happens to be my Dad who will work all things out for the most amazing times of my life. and trust trust trust will be my best friend right now.

"i do not exist" we faithfully insist.

only you exist.

"when your chances fall in your lap like that, you gotta recognize them for what they really are"

i climb in shotgun and reach into his mouth, and grab on to one long sharp tooth and hold on.
for dear life.

i really don't have much to say except how deeply much I love Jesus.
it's really just intensifying every day. He is so much more of a PHYSICAL presence in my life and mind and body. sometimes, when i ask HIm too, right before I'm sleeping He'll put His arms around me.
and peace flows.

i don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life, but i know how i'm going to do it.

judy the alpha queen told me it's going to be epic. different. and true and beautiful.

i just ate a lot of cake and i shouldn't have.
i walked home from school today with MO blaring in my ears, and i just felt like everything was waking up to great me. like the Earth and the trees and the wind were all dancing right in front of me, telling me to arise and ignite and burn with passion.

i've got some homework to do. and some reading to do.
good books have been some of my friends latley.


oh jermaine and brett, i wish you would dine with me tonight.
well definitley brett, and i guess jermaine can come to. but i have to apologize in advanced for staring, there is just something so intensley ugly about you.

"Man, I've been wasting so much time"

Walking the same street every night
Don't you think it's about time?


i'm reading the best book ever. and it's literally changing everything i have ever thought about everything.
i don't care if it makes me sound like an idiot, at least i have my own opinions now. i feel like before, i just ate up what people fed me, but now i'm hunting my own food. and i like it. it gives me a sense of direction and individuality. and i like it.

because i can't get enough of this:

"Oh, good grief. Distant croup from the Pharaoh finds himself at a disadvantage. I'm a colleague of a distant grudge. I cannot imagine what this all means and even more than that I cannot find my own firm grip to grapple onto. Sift. That's the word I meant to mean and all I ever wanted was to figure all of this to pieces. No, No, No, you're wrong you fool. Please, be normal. Please...single unaccompanied grudge, flee and cling to the ugly single-most feeling you can find. None of this is kosher, none of this is right. I will write a song to find the meaning of meaning and I will soon return to Oglethorpe in a masterful manner. Only I, only I will respond to the glory that is what has come to be. Figuratively of course. Only in that...only in the simple mindset of a simple man will I, Sebastian, crumble 'neath the ridiculous love that besets me now."

again, you amaze me with your infinite beatuy and wisdom.



i was thinking about this earlier today: i literally have no life at school. no friends. i mean i have friends at younglife. but not at school. different. poo.
i have this vivd on-going daydream of my two best friends going to my school, and i literally think about that nonstop my entire day. if they were there, what would i be talking about? how incredibly cool would we be? they would have my back and we would do everything together.

i walk around my hallways thinking that if they were with me we probably would be linking arms and talking and laughing and loving and being.

how free would we be.

unfortunatley that is not the case. and i love and hate that.
i've wasted so much time to not stop now.
this piece of gum is stale and flavorless. my life isn't tho. and i love that. i love that.

something for the road was going to be put, but it was taken away and this was put instead.... so here ya go:
I swung my fiery sword;
I vent my spleen at the Lord.
He is abstract and bored -
too much milk and honey.

man, i liked the other one better. oh well.

marinated meat smells good. so do nails in wood.
so does ink on paper, paint on canvas, eyes on bible, sounds in eardrums, shoes off feat, heat on high, dirt under fingernails....

"i spit and scream what's done is done"

go make your peace with everyone.

God's economy is abundant says Shane. I am so excited to soon be able to live fully and abundantly off God.
to let my belly grumble with the starving children of the world. to give everything i have away, and yet gain the economy of God. and you can hold me to it, because i will give everything away. why should i have two coats and a homeless dude have none?


i think our world deeply misinterprets some scripture, and it's up to us to go back and interpret it in a way that puts fire in our souls and burns to be released. study the word, not just absorb the words and interpretations that others portray. because the bible is a living, breathing book with more than one way to look at it. i notice that i definitley have a one-way view of the bible and scrupitures in my mind from old sunday school classes and even from recent church sermons. but i read the scripture and come out with something completley different. the mystery of God is that is word is alive. it speaks. and i think our society watered down the Word. we water down what God is really calling us to do-to DIE unto ourselves and to give EVERYTHING away. the words of paul are very literal. they aren't just metaphors, or little suggestions that don't really mean what they say. no, paul was a guy. he was direct and to the point. he doesn't bullshit his way through stuff, he deliberatly says what he means.

and if you look at his life, you know he lived what he meant. and so did Jesus.

i am the biggest culprit of viewing the bible lightly.
the words on the pages are living and breathing and power and Jesus. and they give us instructions. and we brush it off, return to our materialistic worlds and tithe once a month. what the hell is wrong the the church?!

on a totally and ridiculously different note:

"OH GODDESS......
PLEASE, MY DARLING OF ENCUMBERED DELIGHT, SHALLOW WATERS DIVINE, COME FORTH. IN GLORIOUS DESIGN, I WONDER HOW (IN GOD'S MIGHTY RAGE) I FOUND YOU DESTINED HERE FOR (ALL UNMIGHTY GREATNESS) IN A SINGLE MISSHAPPEN....FUCK THIS. I'M SORRY MOM BUT I CANNOT FIGURE OUT WHAT IS RIGHT OR GODLY OR HOLY OR GIGGLY. I'M PSYCHED, BUT STIGMATIC. I FEEL ABSOLUTELY REDICULOUS AND I CANNOT WAIT TO GET BACK ONTO THE ROAD...MAYBE THEN IT WONT FEEL SO STAGNANT. MAYBE THEN I WON'T HAVE TO DESIRE SO MUCH CHANGE. YOU INCREDULOUS MONKEY. "

i really just love this man. with all my heart.

"I wanna be your fever, just to know i make you heated"

kinda scandelous.

oh well.

this is totally random, but i was thinking about johnny appleseed today.
i never think about him anymore.
it brought me back to a 7 year-old mindset.
i thought johnny appleseed was the SHIT. like, seriously. i thought he was SO cool. i wanted to do something impactful with my life like that. i pictured him really strong and burly and yet peaceful and harmonious with the anture around him. i picture him tenderly handling the seeds he planted and smiling with delight as they sprouted up.

why don't i ever think of johnny appleseed anymore?
my 7-year-old imagination was much more vivid and colorful and wonderful, it made my living so fun, and everything was a story to live out. i pictured my life like a book, each page elaboratley illustrated with beautiful words forming my actions. now, i feel like my life is a boring chalk board, that is outdated and a hassle. no matter how hard you try, it just can't always be clean, and it can't always be pretty. you can never make chalk THAT pretty. not like a story book.

i wish i was seven again.


i wanna find you chasing all the dreams you had, when you were just a little girl. i wanna hold you, when this broken world gets scary, cause you're still just a little girl.

"the results are back, now it's time to pack"

surely you'll understand that only gifted hands will recieve the chance to touch down on fortune.


snow.
beautiful gifts from God like this just make me happy.
i don't care if it's corny, it's what i see.

you have my jacket :]

this week is just going to be good, because i feel so good about everything right now.
i am so excited and happy and delighted and everything is just good.

i have an egg roll waiting for me in the fridge, i just had some deliecious coffee and am about to get some more, i have some homework waiting for me on the couch, but i don't mind doing it.
once i'm done, i have the beautiful feeling of relief and an episode of the office, along with a fresh new jane austen book or shane claiborne book to read, and hopefully a scary movie with the brother later tonight.
and then a beautiful night of sleep in andy devine, and tomorrow i will just have a splendid day of music listening, painting and wonderful blissfullness in the quiet confines of my own house.

i mean, it's not flight of the conchords awesome, but it gets pretty close.

i just feel like me and Jesus are pretty loveley right now, and that just makes everything in life seem so good.
I can feel Him around me. it's cool. like, latley i've been having a literal conversation with Him all the time. and i can feel His arms around me.
it's just...good. and basic. exactly what i am not.