I dream of the Osaka sun

Jealousy will be the death of me.


sometimes even the right is wrong.

life in technicolor i and ii

My life is finally starting to make since.

I understand dead kings.
I understand my technicolored life.

i understand the whisper in the screaming.
and the yes despite the no.

as we speak, my kings are being slaughtered. and it's a nice feeling.

of course, they will come back. there are a lot of kings.
i feel gross and excercised. i took a run and i have to babysit a little girl for the next 4 days from 8-5. it's going to be a long week. such a long week.


but i am a technicolored life.
i am a technicolored life. there is no one like me.

fasting tomorrow.
because questions of science and progress don't speak as loud as my heart.
quote of my life.


and it's true. it is so true.
back to dying just for You.
life just makes absoultley no sense and yet all the sense. i have no sense. i'm probabbly spelling it wrong.

but i don't care.

SMALL

i am.
i am, i am, i am.

my summer continues to flip flop as i am asked to give up more and more to gain much and much.
sacrifice for sacrifice.

but i'm still feeling uneasy about this.
but Jesus knows what he's doing...i'm ok. he knows whats going to happen.



"Tell me your own Politik."

science and progress do not speak as loud as my heart

That lyrics chorused through my head ALL day. from the moment i woke up until now....
it has a new meaning-everything has a new meaning.

i feel opposite from you. it feels so odd but in a way we are always opposite. i am finding life in things again. my cold is thawing and the Butterfly is exploding.

i am living. i am seeing Jesus in everything. worship songs were so old and bland and dry to me and now i am finding new ways to worship and new ways to pray and devout myself.
Fast Day One:
wonderful.
the real reason i wanted to do it was a mixture of things. but the main thing was to be dependent. to realize i am not cool. i am not normal. i am not of this world and of the urges of this world. i can resist. i can be different. but i can't do it alone. and so i fasted. and i craved. and i didn't. and i yearned. and i forgot. and i continuoulsy saw my Jesus sweeping his fingers through my hair. and "Science and progress do not speak as loud as my heart" became a new meaning to me. Jesus is bigger than science and instincts of "survival".

i am so small.
chris martin is so small.
but He is so big.



I don't mind not being cool.
in fact, i prefer it.

"I sing about almost everything"

What a good day.
who would of thought that the day that has been on our whiteboard all year in green marker with orange zigzag "important" bubbles around it would end up being good??
but it was wonderful and relaxing and sunburning and refreshing and everything i love about summer. there are reasons i want to leave, but this would be a reason i want to stay.

i still can't stop thinking about it.

i feel like i'm already going and i am just beyond excited to actually be there.
but i'm not.
i need to clean my room. i need to set my heart straight.

i've been talking to You more latley. you like to talk back which makes me happy.
we sing together a lot more.
i sing about almost anything latley.

i feel like my spirit is becoming much more free.
i am a barefoot free spirit and i like that right now.
and Jesus likes it to.
and if i stay or if i go. he will still like me.
i like knowing he likes me.

All of everything, erased.

You don't know how High i can FLy.

"i just wanna be big, fierce, a lion. a monster. huge. big. a bear on stage. intimidating."
"i sit there and think. about zombies, and stuff....but mainly about zombies."

it's not over. i am going to make it. this week will not kick my ass anymore. i will make it. it's ok. it's ok. we're ok. i'm ok. ok. ok. ok


i'm 50 dollars richer.
i'm 1000 dollars in debt.

i'm not through till i'm through.

and i'm not through yet.
oh kdev. you would make this evening better. if i could just have you blare of society in my ears with sweat pouring down my face and happiness covering my body.
surrounded like a pita. enthralled in the simplest things.
oh you simple girl.
grow some goddamn wings.

i am completley fine. i just need 100 dollars.

i bet marcus doesn't have his licence either. i bet he failed too.

Andy Hull's Hymn.

is real.







i'm through in all ways.