science and progress do not speak as loud as my heart

That lyrics chorused through my head ALL day. from the moment i woke up until now....
it has a new meaning-everything has a new meaning.

i feel opposite from you. it feels so odd but in a way we are always opposite. i am finding life in things again. my cold is thawing and the Butterfly is exploding.

i am living. i am seeing Jesus in everything. worship songs were so old and bland and dry to me and now i am finding new ways to worship and new ways to pray and devout myself.
Fast Day One:
wonderful.
the real reason i wanted to do it was a mixture of things. but the main thing was to be dependent. to realize i am not cool. i am not normal. i am not of this world and of the urges of this world. i can resist. i can be different. but i can't do it alone. and so i fasted. and i craved. and i didn't. and i yearned. and i forgot. and i continuoulsy saw my Jesus sweeping his fingers through my hair. and "Science and progress do not speak as loud as my heart" became a new meaning to me. Jesus is bigger than science and instincts of "survival".

i am so small.
chris martin is so small.
but He is so big.



I don't mind not being cool.
in fact, i prefer it.