"Means Everything to Nothing"

i am struggling through each new day of school.
and it's sucking pretty awefully.

i hate EVERYTHING about it.

if i had more classes with some certain amazing people. then it would be somewhat diluted into a dull moan of awefullness.
but right now it is the epitome of terrible things and i HATE it.

the only thing keeping me going is nothing.
it means everything to nothing.
the dirtier the sound
the best i breathe
i tried to do it all for you
it didn't do anything for me

ive been talking in song lyrics alot latley.

music. that's keeping me going. not even art right now because i haven't had a burst of creativity in a while which majorly sucks.

jeeze.
i just want this year to end.
i am gunna make it through this year if it kills me. i wonder what john darnielle thought when he wrote those words. if he willed them to be true. if he remenisced on his crappy painful childhood. if he hoped for a better year. probably all of that.

This will be our year
Took a long time to come.

i thought 2009 would be my year like pablo and the zombies said it would.
wrong. aboslutley wrong.
2009 has been fucked since the day it started. i got lost on new years day.
maybe i was never really back on track.

but despite all this shit there is one thing that has been good.
and that's Jesus.
how can everything be so bad, and jesus be so good?
it totally contradicts EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING. but maybe that means everything to nothing.
oh mr. hull in your infinite wisdom, you describe more about me than even i do.
i wish we were married.

oh Jesus in your infinite wisdom, you set chain after chain for me to break and still remain good.
i don't know but im really glad you are who you are.
i guess it's a good thing i am who i am.
but then again, all those everythings might just mean absolutley nothing.
or maybe i've got friends in all the right places.