"Where have we been?"

interesting question. where HAVE we been God?
i know where you have been. but where have I been? how have i gotten to where i am today?
i feel like everything about me is different from three years ago when i first started following you. i'm not even sure if i really and truly loved You when i "prayed the prayer". i wanted to. but i don't know if i did. I'm not sure when i really first started loving you. it just...happened. there isn't a specific time. i wish i could remember....

i do remember my thinking changing. my darkest nights and my brightest days. i remember when i shouted out praises to you one night and the next night cuss you out. i remember feeling more complete and loved one day, and a week later going through some of the darkest times of my life.

i remember shouting to you daily for an entire 6 months "GOD, MY GOD, WHERE EXACTLY HAVE YOU BEEN?" and i remember feeling my face lifted off from the ground the night you answered. surprisingly in the same way. "child, my child, where have YOU been?"

so now, where have we been? where are we going?

i consumed my school day reading the irresistible revolution (amazing amazing amazing) and i gotta say, all i really wanna do now is sell everything i have to follow Jesus wherever He takes me.
i want to love without limits and without fear. and give everything God has given me so that others may see Him in me.
because i do not exist, i faithfully insist. only you exist.

so with all that said. high school seems pointless to finish with so many people out there hurting. why do i have to spend two more years here when i could be out there?
i can't wait to find out where we will go.