"I find Myself in a moment of Weakness."

I miss you mom.
i wanna leave lake wannatonk.

"Mother told me if you join the military you will become the general, if you become a priest you will become the pope, instead i became a painter, and wound up as picasso."

or something like that.
you don't know how high i can fly.
no one does.

i feel like everything i say and everything i do is not the best i can do.
i feel like i am so much more of a person in the pit of my stomach and the inner core of my brain and the slimy middle of my intestines than in my wretched tongue, shallow words and crappy artwork.
there is so much more in me-so much more about me-that i don't wave around.
my colors are thriving on the inside, but the outside remains a dull grey.
why i am so self consciouse about the beauty and passion and mess inside, well that's a good question my God.

the sky cried for me today. the tears i am unable to produce. i can't cry strangley enough. i hate that.
i like to show emotion sometimes. i like to show what i am.
they call holidays an option-it's pretentious. i can feed it with the lions to the christians. those lions are coming. oh they're coming for me. for me.


alaska, you rock. you just flat out amaze me in all the right, wonderful ways. and i thank you for that. for your wonderfulness. color.

maybe ill start my color.
nobody knows my color.
it doesn't have a name, it's too beautiful.
i'm so hidden. but i don't/ i do like that.



when i wake, stretching my limbs, i find myself in a moment of weakness.
gobotron=love.