"your still just a little girl"

time ticks.
and life moves.
and i stay. wanting nothing to happen. wanting nothing to go on.
just to stay.

i spent my morning with passion and poverty lifting up my father on my knees with about a hundred homeless men and women and about 50 others coming from all walks of life.
and i saw the cries of the opressed and heard the stories of the redeemed. we don't truly love and live for God until we give everything we have.
until we put down our crack pipes in the church offering and never pick one up again.

until we die to ourselves.
until we die to the world.

well i've been dead for a while.
and i've been yearning for a while.
it's not hard to see if you open your eyes.

i want to be in new york so bad it hurts every part of my body.
the deep pit of my soul and heart ache for the city.
every part of me longssss to be there.

i long to be there.
i want a lot of stuff right now. but i'm not gunna get a lot of stuff right now.
but that's life.
it's not made to be fair, or enjoyble, or easy.
it's made to be screwed up.

oh my God, my God, where is your kingdom?
oh my Child, my Child, where IS my kingdom?
yea, we get it. well, i get it. it's here. but we aren't.

nobody lives the kingdom anymore described in micah and the gospels and revelations.
nobody takes the word of life, the word of the martyrs seriously.

i'm beginning to take it seriously.

"don't you know i'm not a martyr, but you're making me believe"

the last one :[
"Among the great clouds, marketed in an unwitting way, I strolled (trickled lightly). Using mystical powers I emerged from the encumbered hole that then relapsed and relapsed into itself OVER and OVER and OVER. Of course I was worried, but I had no choice but to simply move on. I had come here with nothing and damnit I'll leave here with nothing. These marks on my arm are beginning to worry me more though...They're beginning to itch and ooze and coil together. I'll find water soon. I just have to keep moving. "